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Ten Uh Clock Heart Uh Tack

2007-03-30T10:34:00.000Z

So here we have it, an update, brought to you by attempted blackmail and the promise of actual bodily violence.

'Bad Attitude' starring the self-proclaimed Chester Bullet

TOM HOLMES

Bjorn Gore performs miracles whilst looking not unlike Jesus (or Tatanka)

The Venue

2007-01-03T18:40:00.000Z

Sewer Gidge pointed these absolute belters out the other day. New Years Eve Eve. Its funny cause I don't remember anybody supergluing Clarky's eyes shut, but then I suppose that's not to say it couldn't have happened.

Redcar Redflash

2006-12-31T18:10:00.000Z

I’d best mention this really seeing as we are a photo blog and this is probably the biggest news to do with my photos to date, plus Owain wont want that mug shot (see below) coming up at the top for months on end. Well anyway, what it is is I kinda had my first picture published. I was originally going to leave it off here, but a shit load of work went into making this shot happen and I’m really pleased with how our efforts payed off. You see Owain drove us about 200 miles and got a speeding ticket all for a satellite bowl with a recently constructed fence across it. The spot you see here was nothing more than last-ditch attempt to save us from a complete waste off time. Believe me it was British as you like. I bet the other team members didn’t have to wheel-spin through seaweed for a run up in their photos. Or recuited in Hi-Vis clad Geordie Fishermen to operate the smoke machine. I image there was little in common with the other photos at all except for maybe the complete darkness in which Owain had to do them Barspins- I don’t think this shoot would’ve promoted the idea of being sponsored too much had he missed a catch. Having said that, have you seen the size of them? Who’s gonna be able to miss?

Here’s the final photo we decided upon, you can see the Shadow advert here or in the current BMX magazines.

More Than A Machine

2006-10-30T22:43:00.000Z

Right here's your bleedin update then, half did this weeks ago so it's all a bit old now. Firstly though, Owain's going to be a Dad any day now so good luck to him and Rachel with that. On a lighter note here he is looking like a Knob.

..... And then riding the Swimming Pool that my brothers mate Ed found near our house. It's nuts how word gets about, it took less than a week for Document Magazine to shoot photos here after this. Within a similar amount of time random passers-by were even heard talking about it at The Urbis!

Without wishing to compliment Owain too much I really can't see much better getting done on a bike here, not unless there's any takers for a Cherrypicker Drop-in on the Diving Board Pete?

Cum Slut Andy Clarke also enjoyed the Swimming Pool. Nowadays he'd rather kill it on the Hand Stilts wearing odd shoes that he wont even let you graffiti!

Willy Motion

2006-09-18T23:03:00.000Z

So No Emotion's buggered off to Bristol Uni, and at the same time I find these pictures on my little camera. The Spy Worm would probably have me believe these events were entirely unrelated, however I know Richard Scarry's devious mind better. You see Dhalsim will have planned this whole thing, he'll know I'll put these on here. Then he'll be thinking there's significant variation in each picture to once and for all prove that he does in fact have emotion. Well 'None Of It', I'm not having any of it. I don't care what Bristol does, you are unavoidably 'No Emotion'.

And you ow me 3 quid.....

Heteronome

2006-09-05T21:30:00.000Z

As had been previously threatened, this one's payback for taking 50 goes then sacking it off. Check that extension. King of Street? My Arse!!!

Ask Ted Danson

2006-08-06T22:43:00.000Z

I'll probably alter this update tomorrow and write something better, or at least something that better justifies a 3 month post absence. For now it's just important that I get this vid on here because it would take the piss if I left it for even another day after how much I pestered Clarky to produce something. I think its pretty sick anyway, as understated as you like- your not going to find too many Double Flairs or Tailwhip Flatspins (?) but then again we aren't bmxonline.com. In fact you'll do well to spot a single banger at all, this is just everyday clips your going to identify with. Make sure you keep your eyes open when you watch it though because Clarky thinks the same about editing as he does riding- its the little things that matter most. I'm not sure if its got a name or if it's supposed to be a trailer for something more, but I'm sure there'd be heavy Euro Squad connotation if it did. You know what? I'm just gonna shut up and let you watch it.

Now, lets do something about this ridiculous mess of a blog template that's going on.....

Once In A Lifetime

2006-04-11T13:22:00.000Z

The folder containing these photographs is labelled 'December 28th 2005 - NE & I Walk Up a Mountain'. And there really isn't much more to say than that, I can't remember the name of the mountain, probably couldn't find my way there again and cut my hand open on barbed wire getting home.

About a quarter of the way up, knackered already. I'm sure if Will would've suggested we turn back, I wouldn't have protested.

A slender Sasquatch?

The Sun

Ditto

.....And Finally, well I'll let you make your own mind up what's going on here.

Pilgrim

2006-02-06T01:52:00.000Z

Barny sorts out Fly Mosca's, leaps craters in St. Anne's Square and returns from NYC t'mar. You don't get that kind of info in a Ride caption- they don't even know whether he missed the train!

Grace

2006-02-05T01:29:00.000Z

I seem to remember these pictures happening when I went to Bones unsure about whether I was too sick to ride, suffice to say, I was.

Gary/Billy/Paul/Peter/Dave/John "make up your own name" Frain. Frain's coming skiing with me in a week and a half, I just hope his Passport knows what his name is!

In an attempt to make posts more varried again I've included this crackin' Tight-rope Walker's Eye's view of Bones's Spine- I just don't know where the creativity comes from, I really don't.

Sewer Gidge has the best name in my phone's Phonebook, he also deserves a medal for getting those Slams past his chest and back.

Numb Again

2006-01-28T12:59:00.000Z

I seriously need to get my arse in gear with some posts don't I? Right, well it starts here.

Robin joined a freezing Christmas session and brought with him gifts of peg-stalls and gossip. Anybody got any good myths to share about stunts at this spot? I'd be pretty into hearing them.

Boneyard Driveway 360. All I have to say is Loz's head is the same size as a wheel!

That flash disgusts me. I don't even know why I'm putting this on here. The hands on it are a load of rubbish too! Colour's all wrong- get some fake tan on!

Signs of Life

2006-01-08T18:33:00.000Z

A Christmas Eve Eve Eve session at Burnley finally finds its way onto the website two weeks later:

Pete points out Clarky's all important mid-Barspin hand positioning.

This picture makes me feel both dizzy and small.

TKMaxx Purple Vans High-tops.

What isn't clear is that Adam's shoes are still in colour!

Waffle Soles doing a great job here. Seriously, what ARE these captions today?

Don't ask me what this lighting setup is supposed to be.

Coming to a UGC Carpark Near You....

2006-01-07T17:00:00.000Z

.... Idiots posing like Berks in front of Cars.

Euro Squad Pull Off Thumb Nails in London! #2

2005-12-22T12:01:00.000Z

So after going out to Satan's on Tuesday, then getting in at 3am only to carry on writing an essay, I've finally finished Uni for Christmas. Here's the concluding part of the London Trip:

If you don't know me or Loz you might've wondered what this post title was all about, well I wasn't joking! Loz wanted to stall this flat rail with a 2" high bank for pop, I told him it was insanity, he told me he'd done it before, we were both right. So anyway pegs missed, bars landed on rail, BOOOM..... Thumb Sandwich! Loz is now running round and starts feeling a bit sick, Owain and Taliban go off to buy bandages, and I count drops of blood on the floor (after 30 I just gave up). About 15 minutes later things have calmed down somewhat when Marv randomly finds a nail on top of the rail where Loz crashed. It probably seems daft now, but we all looked at Loz's thumb after he did it and I don't think any of us thought for one minute that he was missing a nail. I mean is it even possible to pull your thumb nail off? We came to the conclusion it was someone's false nail and a wild coincidence. This picture was taken a few hours later, minutes after Loz took out the 'false' nail he'd kept and we realised he had in-fact pulled his entire nail off.

I think Marv pulled this the go after I stopped taking pictures because he was getting blinded by flashes. Don't I feel like a knob.

Equipment

Where's Owain looking here?

Tom tells me he did have 4 feathers but one of them fell out.

I should just give up trying to copy Chromasia really.

No wonder his feathers fall off.

A week after this photo Loz pulled off a better stunt by riding from Manchester to Chester on the A56 of all roads.

Euro Squad Pull Off Thumb Nails in London! #1

2005-12-17T00:29:00.002Z

Two weeks back Loz and I spent the weekend down with the Old Man in London Town. Incidently, the same weekend Clarky stuffed £50 quids worth of train ticket up his arse, before shitting himself, both due to a lack of health.

Toothpick fakie, we've probably both still got wet boxers here.

Taliban's becoming a true legend in my opinion. How shit would this look if you or I were to try it?

Apparently these clean the Thames or stop it flooding or whatever. They definitely do something.

This might've been the move of the weekend, pulled perfect too, not an empty stomach in sight. No wait a minute, Loz IS actually in the background.

I don't know what to write, I'm never doing captions drunk again. Isn't Loz buff?

Southbank Kung-Foo Icepick Barspin (or do I detect a Busdriver?).

Dreaming of Value Miniture Pancakes I reckon.

Classic Clegg

Safe and Sorry

2005-12-09T18:16:00.001Z

Ok, here's some pictures I took a few weeks back of the Medications playing at The Phoenix in Manchester. I reckon they sound a little more like Faraquet live than they do on recordings, which is definitely a bonus in my eyes. Either way they're little short of smashing.

Seamless

2005-11-26T17:30:00.000Z

Check out this psycho from last weekends Revolt Jam. I think he's a Derbyhead.

Pins & Needles

2005-11-22T19:39:00.000Z

Stunts from Wednesdays in November:

After pulling this 180 at speed first go, Clarky goes again for the cameras. Look at that back wheel! As you might imagine the landing was not pretty, I actually thought we were going to be in hospital territory. Fortunately it didn't turn out quite that bad.

What you can't see is the previous hop to manual and the prior drop down manual to barspin in this screen-shot from his upcoming game 'Gareth Hunt's Mancunian Wasteland'. Coming soon on PC, Xbox & PS2.

Loz Brakeless Nosepick on a Shrub? I think Loz just does his 360s so they look that way.

This is the Bike Tommy came out street riding on. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst Bicycle in existance. Lets pray it's found its righful place in a skip.

Keep it going Loz. Those Candybar Whips are yours for the taking.

Worth The Wait

2005-11-18T17:44:00.000Z

This has been long over due, how long ago was Halloween now? I don't even have an excuse, it certainly isn't like I don't have any new stuff to post these days- my new camera's working wonders. Who ever said it's the photographer and not the equipment? They were a liar! Anyhow (is that even a word?), here's some pictures I took of This Alltime Low a week last Sunday at Satan's Hollow.

Euro Squad Revels in Fancy Dress Glory

2005-11-05T12:46:00.000Z

Having gathered at Tommy's house there was a general consensus that the night needed no Nightclub- our efforts at fancy dress were entertainment enough. However I'd spent £30 on tickets, so off to Satan's we went. Now I can't speak for anyone else, but I try not to take my Fancy Dress too seriously, I certainly hadn't given a moments thought to its competitive element. Anyway, as the night went on the results of the competition were announced and it turned out that Me, Mike and Gidge were amongst the winners! We weren't the Ultimate World Champion of Champions (that was this Guy), but still highly commended for our efforts. Tommy Gore nearly won, but was shot down within feet of the Podium by racism- "Next up we have Edward Scissorhands.... now that's the black one not the white one" (He was actually referring to shirt colour).

Tubbs & Edward (Champions)

Zombie Partridge (Champion)

Bowie

Morrissey (or Elvis if you don't know who Morrissey is)

Scissorhands

Transvestite Mummy (that wipes lipstick all over your car!)

Ironically.... (2)

2005-11-02T14:41:00.000Z

There were too many pictures for one post, so here are the rest of them. Incidentally, nobody will care about this, but I spent the best part of a day reformatting all the photographs from the past posts. Now the new-look gain-online that I started months ago is finally complete. Told you you wouldn't care, I needed to somehow justify the hours I'd spent doing it though. Halloween pictures coming next.

Ironically.... (1)

2005-10-31T18:15:00.000Z

.... Maiden are possible better than the band they're a tribute to. Seriously, they're that good. They played the Thatched House in Stockport last Saturday and once again reassured me that I'm not insane by thinking that. It was a double whammy of excitement for me too because it was the first time I got to use my new camera properly- I've only been waiting for it 3 months.

Consumer Culture Causes Wars..... So Does Your Mum!

2005-10-24T22:47:00.000Z

- excellent graffiti from the Brighton Backyard Jam last weekend. I STILL don't have a camera so you'll have to check Will's site for pictures. The best I can conjure up is some photos from the Bournemouth Jam 18 months ago! How rubbish am I?

"Bramblers....yeah, it's a French word" #2

2005-10-12T11:41:00.000Z

Let me tell you a little about this title. We were riding the car park near Toys 'R Us in Stockport going back a few weeks now. This guy, probably about 16, approached us on a Mountain Bike, from here on he will be referred to as Billy Liar. Billy Liar wanted an Allen Key because his seat was loose. Upon fixing his seat he proceeded to hover around, doing wheelies and pretending to know about things he obviously hadn't a clue about. This went on for about a quarter of an hour until Billy Liar disclosed his racist side and we left. Now Billy Liar’s bag of Lies was massive, I couldn't keep a straight face most of the time he was speaking, and that’s not because he was funny, but because he believed he could make up anything and be taken seriously. These were Billy Liar’s two biggest hammers:

Clarky to group "It's getting colder now isn't it?"
Clarky to Billy Liar "You must be freezing, you've just got a T-shirt on"
Billy Liar to group "It's not cold"
Billy Liar lifts up T-shirt, removes one arm then the other, takes the
T-shirt completely off!
Billy Liar stands, his T-shirt clasped in one hand displaying his naked
abdomen, we've known him 90 seconds, its 9pm, the first week of October and
about 8 degrees.

Billy Liar to group "...yeah the council are making us some dirt jumps, they've
given us some land and they're gonna build them"
Someone to Billy Liar "How did you get them to do that?"
Billy Liar to Someone "Well they're trying to stop all the Bramblers you see"
Someone to Billy Liar "The what?"
Billy Liar to Someone "The Bramblers, they do all like walking and stuff"
Someone to Billy Liar "Bramblers?"
Billy Liar to Someone "Yeah Bramblers, have you not heard of it? It's a French
word".

Yeah so here we are Brambling around Alderley Edge.

"Just give me a minute, I'll try and look dead scared."

I'm thinking "Oh thats a good 'un, he looks well mad".

"Bramblers....yeah, it's a French word" #1

2005-10-11T09:53:00.000Z

We trekked through Alderley Edge the other day. Will stood on the edge, of Alderley Edge, I aimed, shouted at him, and shot. This banger is the result, that expression isn't even a pose! Derek Zoolander eat your heart out.